Forever People

 My ex, who unceremoniously left me once things got difficult, used to say she’s my “forever person” and vice versa—which brings to mind the expression “with friends like these, who needs enemies?!”

During the time we were together, my number of friends steadily decreased. And, like, if I could count on my forever person, I probably would. But it was all a lie. What she meant was as long as she’s never tested, she is eager to talk a big game.

Anyway, as I sit here alone, I really should count my blessings:

1. I’m alive

2. I’m still me

3. I’m capable of recovery

4. I’ve recovered a lot already

5. THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

6. I didn’t marry her

7. I still remember a lot

8. I’m capable of learning more

9. I’m capable of doing more

There’s more, but these are key.

Part of why it’s hard is because I nearly married her!!! You want to think your spouse has your back through thick and thin, but you can evidently be wrong about that, which is both embarrassing and dispiriting.

I feel like I was raised to believe women were more often correct about the people stuff, whereas men were mechanical and analytical. So for my own situation to play out like this is VERY dispiriting. Especially cuz I sincerely loved her and really believed she was my “forever person.” Now, it all seems like a bad joke.

I keep trying to recover, and I do so all by myself. I felt so good having my ex fiancée beside me, and now it’s just me. There’s a lot I want to do, and I see it’s all up to me. I cannot count on any encouragement, and I do not expect smiles at home. I have me and my satisfaction as my top priorities. And now, it’s easier to see this is all I ever had.

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